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NAS: Qualities in Husbands

What are the qualities and characteristics that you are looking for in your future husband? We have talked about what we don't want, but it's good to have an idea of those things that are important to us. Discerning religious life? This applies to communities, as well!


This is a topic I think about all the time, if I'm being honest, too much really.  Since I was a little girl I've always wanted to be married and have children.  Now I'm almost (too close) to 30 and still unmarried and only have godchildren (lovely though).  I went back to look at the deal breakers post I wrote before and on the bottom I already listed what I'd like for in a marriage to recap:
  1. The men leads spiritually.
  2. The couple respects each other.
  3. Each spouse is trying to grow in virtue and they encourage each other.
Since then and since having my house for a few months, I've come to have a few more qualities that I would like in a husband.  Nothing too specific, but I do always think of this song by Marie Miller:


Of course, Marie has a different list than I do, but here are a few of my dreams - in a perfect world, where no one is broken and sin doesn't exist.

My husband is faithful to God, respectful of family, loyal to friends, hardworking, handy around the house (those air filters don't change themselves and neither do those leaks just automatically dry up), desiring to be a father, humble, likes to cook and eat interesting things, has a healthy relationship with alcohol and exercise, understands what Ephesians 5 means, is involved in the Church, attends Mass at least weekly, prays outside of Church, reads (doesn't really matter the subject), can keep a conversation with my crazy family, is active and knows the joy of hanging around the house, pursues me and isn't settling for less.

To say that the man I marry, if I marry, will fulfill every item on my list is ridiculous, I know it, we all know it.  Honestly, I think that the best couples say that "he was more than I could have imagined," not "he met every check box on the list."  I wonder if I am "more than he could have imagined"?

To change that into a healthy life question (rather than the negative 'I'm not enough' nagging), I've been striving to grow spiritually, become involved in a variety of different groups, develop hobbies of my own, and be an educated woman to seeks first the Lord and His will.  To have these qualities:


Cindy over at The Veil recommended this book (and the kindle version is only 99 cents - you can read it on any smartphone, totally recommend it) to me a few months ago.  I finished it last week ago and although there are so many more beautiful lines than I can quote here, this is one that has been particularly present in my heart lately:
It is a way that will oblige God to list to you. Say to him earnestly: Either give me so much money that my heart will be satisfied, or inspire me with such contempt for it that I no longer want it.  Either free me from poverty, or make it so pleasant for me that I would not exchange it for all the wealth in the world.  Either take away my suffering, or - which would be to your greater glory - change it into delight for me, and instead of causing me affliction, let it become a source of joy.  You can take away the burden of my cross, or you can leave it with me without feeling its weigh.  You can extinguish the fire that burns me, or you can let it burn in such a way that it refreshes me as it id the three youths in the fiery furnace.  First, you will be satisfied whatever happens; and what else do those who most desire this world's goods want except to be satisfied?  Secondly, you will not only obtain without fail one of the two things you have asked for but, as a rule, you will obtain both of them.  For the reason why we obtain little is not only because we ask for little but still more because, whether we ask a little or we ask a lot, we do not ask often enough.  (page 45-46)
So I've been striving to pray more fervently with the intention of, well, really an ultimatum with the Lord.  Praying for happiness - either bring me to a husband for a happy marriage or make me happy with my single life.  Although the last time I gave the Lord an ultimatum, he pulled through, but I'm not really as satisfied with the outcome as I thought I would be!  Probably need to check my heart a bit more!!

A little Papa Francis Quote to keep in mind:  “Do I pray that the Lord give me the desire to do his will? Or do I look for compromises because I’m afraid of God’s will?”—Pope Francis

Thanks for reading through all of my husband / single life / spiritual ramblings.  See you next week for the topic of loneliness ... will strive to get stronger with this issue in the coming week before writing my thoughts down for the world to see!

p.s. today is Day 30 of my First Whole30!!  Check in later this week for my conclusions and how I'm integrating some of my favorite foods back in like wine, bread, pizza, and Cabo Fish Taco menu items (look out Friday)!

Thanks to Jen for hosting this week and Morgan for supporting!  I am so grateful for this community of women!!

Comments

  1. Bought the book, because well $.99 looks good enough to me! Congrats on finishing your whole 30!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh! Glad you got it! It's very good, and at times very hard to read but filled with so much truth!

      Delete
  2. Thanks for the post and book recommendation. Just bought it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope you enjoy the book - it's a good, but tough read! Would love to hear your thoughts after you are done!

      Delete
  3. I just love how you mentioned working on being awesome yourself too! Proverbs 31 is pretty epic, and I recently bought a version of that book Cindy recommended as well. Looking forward to reading soon! And congrats on finishing Whole30 - interested to hear your take on it :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you have the book - it's a good read, tough at times, but overall great! And the Whole30 went well ... will be thinking my thoughts and writing them later this week!

      Delete
  4. >I wonder if I am "more than he could have imagined"?

    I think about that sometimes, especially when I get most discouraged. I ask myself if I am the woman that I think my future husband is looking for, and I try not to require anything of him that I wouldn't require for myself. It's humbling, let me tell you.

    We both thought of Marie Miller's song! There has got to be an untapped market of good tall men out there somewhere!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. definitely humbling, but at least something I can actively work on and have some semblance of control over.

      Oh and I don't need too tall of a guy, I'm pretty short ... there has to be some sort of 'untapped' market of good men, somewhere, right?

      Delete

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