We've all likely heard about them, but have you ever done one? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?
Okay so I realize that the purpose of this topic is not the speed at which we date. But what if it was? Then I would say fast ... as long as the rules of discernment are being followed.
The point of a dating fast, like what Brenda over at Triple Braided Life talked about in January, is to deliberately take a break from dating to grow closer to the Lord and deepen your faith. The point is deliberately, right?
I've been doing this a lot minus the deliberate part, so I can't say that I've intentionally done a dating fast. I can see how it would be important for the culture we live in since there are so many crazy things that single people are expected to do and be. I think it's important to be deliberate and intentional in our dating. Why? Because it's preparation for the biggest decision of our lives.
Not to put a lot of pressure on it - and not to say that whether I go out for coffee with this guy or "provide a private tasting of my famous mac'n'cheese" to the one who asked me that on Sunday evening (and yes, that is a direct quote, that really happened) - is not the 'biggest decision of my life.' Where that leads to is the biggest life decision.
I was talking with a good, good friend of mine about some anxiety she was feeling in a relationship, and one of the things I pointed out was "yes, there's anxiety, it'd be weird if there wasn't - you're making a life decision with this guy - you've never made a life long decision before - everything else you've done has always had a way out, been for a short period of time, and yes might have an effect on your entire life, isn't a life long decision." This even applies to me buying my townhouse - that's not a life long decision. I can always sell it - can't do that with a husband - well, not legally or morally anyway.
Dating leads to making a life decision - so there's anxiety. This also necessitates some intention to the process. Saying yes to casual dates, but making sure it doesn't remain casual forever.
That means if you need to take a break from dating - taking a fast, so to get your perspective in check on the situation, is a very healthy idea for your future marriage. The goal should be to become more deliberate and more intentional in making life decisions.
Anything that leads to us living an intentional life makes for a great decision!
Oh, and if you're wondering, I said no the the 'private tasting'...
Oh, and if you're wondering, I said no the the 'private tasting'...
See you next week for a better topic which I am much more excited about!
Katie! I love this!!!
ReplyDeleteI've never thought about anxiety in the way you described it. I always associate anxiety/unrest/loss of peace with BAD. As in, "this is not from God therefore I must GET OUT". Buuuut you're so right. Anxiety is NORMAL if you're taking dating seriously, or at least see it as a step toward a VERY big life decision. Wow. Thank you!
Also, I laughed (yes, out loud) at your comment about not being able to sell your husband. BAHAHAHAHA!!
It's hard to change our thinking that scary things that are good and necessary have anxiety with them ... like buying a house, marrying a guy, changing jobs, etc... There is definitely a line where it's negative and that's different for everyone, I think.
DeleteI love that you specified that you can't morally sell a husband! My latest pet peeve along those lines is when people say they "didn't have a choice" about something. Usually they *did* have another choice, they just didn't want to choose that (or shouldn't have chosen it). I used to tell that to my students all the time: you don't *have* to do your assignment, but then I don't *have* to give you any points for it. That *is* an option. (I taught English.)
ReplyDeleteOn topic, I think there is also a good point here about not dragging your feet when you know what you need to do. If you've been "dating slow," so to speak, you might need to break up or get married. If you haven't been doing anything to meet people, date, etc., you need to do something. #NASchallenge
When I read Emily Stimpson's Book "The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide to the Single LIfe" I remember her writing that "the fact that you are single is your choice." - I closed the book for a bit, I couldn't even go on when I read that because I thought it was so crazy! But she explains more - you're choosing the type of marriage you want, you're choosing not to go home with any guy who blinks at the bar on Friday night, you're choosing to following God's plan, not any old plan. So that I'm turning 30 on Friday and not married, is my choice - my choice to follow the Lord. (well, it's not my choice to turn 30, the days and the years go by without asking my permission)
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