It was put out about six years ago and has one of my favorite actors, T.J. Thyne, from Bones. I know it's a little long - almost 15 minutes actually. And it's almost like a silent movie - no words.
I was thinking about it last night when I couldn't sleep. Where do I get my validation from? Who do I get my validation from? What am I seeking validation for?
All of these are difficult questions have intellectual answers for me, what I should be thinking and telling myself to do. Simply that I am a daughter of God, I am validated because I have dignity because I am a a beautiful creation of His.
But in the middle of the night when the doubts and probings from satan creep from the background into the foreground, my answers don't come out as clear. They come out as messy, ugly lies (he knows my buttons very well). That there's nowhere for me to be validated, no one willing to validate me, and everything needs to be validated by another person, even more than one person.
In the clarity of the daylight, I repeat to myself, over and over again, that the word enough should be removed more swiftly from my vocabulary than any other swear word I might utter. This word, enough, does more damage than any of those other words could ever do.
This has been a point of prayer for many years. It always circles back to this, just when I think that I've finally removed it from my mind, my heart, my soul - satan creeps it back in. At first shallow doubt of validation, easily swept away. Then later, more doubt, more evidence to add to the case file. Intellectually knowing they are lies, but emotionally and spiritually not so easily rooted out.
This story has no particular ending, no specific answers at this point, just a recognition of the struggle. A recognition of how difficult it is to wait, to be patient with the Lord, and to rest in his goodness rather than wallow in the enemy's lies and feeble attempts to destroy.
The Restless Pilgrim posted a song about this earlier in November, I finally got to it in my feed this morning. If you also struggle with validation, maybe it you will find it useful, I know that I do.
What can we do in the midst of all of this? Pray for one another, support each other, and rest knowing that the Lord is working all for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). Be assured of my prayers for whatever the struggle is in your life, and I am grateful for any you can offer for me.