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We Are A Mess!

This morning I was listening to The Catholic Guy with Lino Rulli on my way to drive Ash to school and back.  It was the episode from January 2nd, their first one back on the air in 2013 after the Christmas Holiday.  He speaks many times about people who have claimed to come back to the Catholic Church after listening to the show, but never claims all of the credit on him.  In his words, yes - takes the compliment, but really recognizes that Jesus Christ is the real reason they are coming back, not his silly antics about the Church.

The reason - because we are all really just a mess.  We are trying to live the Spiritual Life, trying to be humble, meek, patient - but really, we are just fighting our own ego, selfish-desires, pride, etc...  Although it's hard to admit we are just a mess - honestly, we've got a long, long way to go!

Like this kid, just trying to get back to the farm.  Yes, I can see it in the distance, but there's no way to tell if this road is going to go straight there, or just wind around and around for a long while!  I feel so many times that this journey is just beginning (and really it is) and yet, at the same time, that I've come a long way.

And that's true as well.  I have come a long way from where I began.  I'm not there yet, I'm still just a mess - trying to figure out where all of these thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, etc. go in the grand scheme of life.  Some of them need thrown right into the garbage - they need taken to the confessional and left there at the foot of the Cross.  There's no place for them here, the life of the Christian Woman.

Lino talks of that too - not of the things that a Christian woman shouldn't do - but of the need to be frequent flyers in the confessional.  On the one hand, he is always excited about being a frequent flyer and getting the free upgrade to 1st Class.  On the other hand, he's is also happy to be in the program for the Confessional.  Running there if necessary after making poor choices.

In the last year, I have been to confession more times (over the course of these 12 months) than any other year.  I began going to Spiritual Direction - trying to at least have someone to help me sort out the Spiritual Life and have some clarity as to what is happening.  Although I have not yet been in 2013 - it's only been 8 days, and I'm sure I'll have an appointment in the next couple of weeks to continue on this journey.  The most fulfilling part of it all is frequent reception of the Sacrament of Reconciliation - every 6 weeks or so has been a good benchmark for me.

It helps me to have a grip on my own reality, facing my fears and short-comings, while at the same time seeing the improvement (very small, baby steps) that has been happening simultaneously.

So today, I strive for patience and humility again - this new job is really providing many opportunities to learn these virtues, practice them, and implement them into every facet of my life - in slow, small, baby steps!


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