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Being an Alpha Female

I am a terrible person to plan a party with when you don't know what you want to do. One of my least favorite things is indecisiveness. I'm sure my friends can tell some tales about planning events, gatherings, dinners, coffees, or advice sessions with me. Although there are some things that I'm not decisive about, my future career for instance, most things I have an opinion about and know what I like.

That's usually the problem. Once when I was still working at the parish, Fr. C asked if I had a thought about something. I replied with, "Of course, I have an opinion about everything - that's the problem."

And it's true. I know what I like, and I've usually made a decision about something before I even begin speaking about it. I can brainstorm, but I have to tell myself that's what I'm doing before I begin so I don't get married to a particular thought, idea, plan, or way of doing things.

A few weekends ago I was with my family at my godmother's 50th Anniversary party. I spent some time with my grandmother's sister, Aunt Betty. I was sitting in one of the most beautiful places on earth, my godmother's porch.

I asked Aunt Betty, who I hadn't seen in more than a decade, to tell me stories of my grandmother. There was so much I never knew about her childhood. This isn't something my mother talks about much. Maybe it's because she misses her mom a lot, maybe she just has never seen it as something that people are interested in knowing regularly. We never sit and tell stories of childhood, her mom, etc... My aunt does this a lot and so I wanted to learn more about my grandmother. I wish so much that she was still alive, or at least had lived past my freshman year in high school.

I want to know her and my grandfather better - but he passed when I was just in kindergarten. Anyway, Aunt Betty told me about how their mother passed when she was three, grandma was 9 - after about 3 or 4 years, their father wasn't able to care for them so they went to live with their sister Martha. Life was very difficult for my gram and Aunt Betty. Gram dropped out of school in 8th grade and started housekeeping with another family and moved out. She was finally able to get another job to earn real money and met my grandfather when she was in her early twenties. He was 18 years older than her and she fell in love. They were married soon after and ended up having seven children, even though she swore she wouldn't have any at all. 

It was very hard for my grandmother when she was with her sister and she had no control over any aspect of her life, why she wanted to move out so quickly. From then on, she would not be manipulated. She was her own woman and was the alpha female (as the article below describes her).

I read this article on the Catholic Match Institute earlier this week. About true alpha males and females, not people who are just big-headed and think highly of themselves.

Alpha Theory 2.0
The alpha theory 2.0, when it is applied to the human species, applies to both men and women, single and married. In my opinion anyone can be an alpha. What are some of the qualities of a true alpha and how do we go about becoming a true alpha? 
True alphas are in possession of themselves and do not let their passions rule their lives. The alphas will be moderate in their consumption of food and alcohol. They will get enough sleep and sufficient exercise. 
They will be attentive to their physical appearance, and will order their homes. 
Alphas bring light beyond the physical realm, the alphas will have a well-ordered spiritual life. They will be diligent with their prayer life, spending a few moments at least each day in silent conversation with the Lord. 
They will strive to know the Lord better by reading the scriptures, and they will call upon the saints to help them practice virtue. 
The true alpha will avail themselves of the sacraments by making a holy Confession often (the church recommends at least once a month) and attending Mass every Sunday. (source)
As I read that it reminds me of my grandmother. Some aspects bring me to mind - but there is so many areas where I need to grow, so many virtues I need to practice. My 'decision making' is what brought the idea to the front of my mind. I know what I want and I strive to do whatever I can to make that happen. But it also means that I get an idea in my head and can't let it go until it's fulfilled. This is great for things like "do yoga everyday" or "repaint your kitchen cabinets" or "be a loyal friend" or "commit to praying the Rosary everyday." It's not good when it's "So&So at work is annoying" or "Just do it my way" or "Your way is ridiculous" or "I'm not in control."

So taking one small step today, determined and decisively, to be more like these two amazing souls who make up my grit and hustle and are looking down on me from Heaven either shaking their heads with my ridiculousness or, more likely, cheering me on and supporting me.

Oh and that's Baby ME with grandma & grandpa!
I was pretty cute!


  1. This is a really interesting topic, Katie! I identify with many of the traits you listed. It sounds like you have such wonderful grandparents smiling down on you :-) Sometimes I realize, like you're saying, how much better and awesome I want to be, but it's one small step at a time. Gah! Wish I could become holier faster. Good reminder!

    1. Yes, Holier Faster ... unfortunately it doesn't work that way, although I wish that it did - every day I wish that!

    2. Amen! I guess realizing the room to grow is the first step though :-)


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