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something others appear to have...

I have a long list of people who are frustrated with me - well, as I can see it from my end - at work.  I need thicker skin, I need to be able to stand firm in my opinion, know the reasons why, and be unwilling to change for any little thing.  But, the problem is, that sounds horrible ... very 'not humble' and pretty much like a B.  Although, I just had this revelation ... those people who are annoyed with me (and I in turn annoyed with them - or at least I would love to just ignore them and forget they exist), the thing is - they are like that.  They have the way they want to do things, they way things HAVE to be done, and then they do them that way and expect everyone else to follow suit.

They are very firm in their decisions, never wavering, never compromising; and what does it get them?  People who are upset with them, but the thing is - they don't care, not at all.  They would rather have their way then have people like them.  Here's where we are at a crossroad, I would rather have people like me than do what I want the way I want it.  I can be incredibly assertive about a situation, but only 'removed' from it - basically I talk a mean game, but play a pretty kind, nice, and likable one.

The truth is - I would always rather be liked and HATE it when people don't like me or are upset with me.  I don't need to be BFFs with everyone, but I do prefer when we're on good terms.  I once took a quiz to know my love language and it was Words of Affirmation - when positive words need to be heard in order to feel self-worth, and negative comments are like daggers, unforgettable.  I see this as a negative in my life, how I'm always afraid of criticism (although I'm much better than I used to be).

Maybe someday I'll have thicker skin, more confidence, or just more resolve to 'do it my way' instead of letting others change my mind constantly.

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